As observed by Regina:
Granny’s made Regina’s ass tired. If not for Henry, she should would have written it off as hipster doofus. Well, the dwarves weren’t hipster doofus…except for Dopey, he was a doofus… and then there was Captain Guyliner who technically qualified as a hipster in Regina’s mind, or at least a metrosexual.
She started to put a shapely, black pump clad foot off the curb. Some ass laid down on their horn. “I’m just taking a leave of absence!” she shouted after the driver, then memorized the license plate, and commanded it to appear on the palm of her hand so she could write it down later.
Henry was waiting for her at Granny’s. The whole damned lot of them were there, from the hipsters to the genuine lumberjacks to the doofuses. Henry had saved her a seat at the counter. Emma was in a booth with Captain Guyliner. Mary Margaret Snow What The Fuck Ever and Charming were in the next booth. Mary Snow was staring at the baby as if he was a continual new occurence to her. Charming had his arm on the back of the booth and was glaring at Hook, who was tapping his hook on the formica tabletop. Swan was blathering about Elsa and Anna and Anna’s upcoming wedding. Weddings made Regina want to cough up a curse like a cat with a hairball.
Even Gold and Belle were there, cozying up in the same side of a booth. Tacky, and they looked ridiculous together. May and whatever lay beyond December. Regina supposed they had run out of uninhabited mansions to “borrow” for weekend trysts.
There was some wan brunette twit floating about the place in a sort of lavender and blue chiffon dress. Oh, that one. Aurora. Well, at least she looked better than she had when she was a flying monkey. She had a baby, too. Regina frowned, thinking that she’d like to tell Snow Mary and the twit all about babies and how they weren’t fashion accessories.
“Hey, you’ve got your Madam Mayor face on before breakfast,” Robin said, taking the empty stool on Regina’s other side. “Didn’t you have your cocoa?”
“Granny’s running behind. Ruby’s still sleeping,” Henry said.
Regina turned to Robin and got a relatively chaste, beardy kiss. They kept it clean because of Henry and because Marian and Roland were staying with the Charmings, sleeping, presumably, by the hearth because Mary Charming refused to give up the bloody loft and play house tag in the empty mansions like Gold and Belle. All the lumberjack hipster doofuses disapproved of Robin dating Regina even though Regina had saved his estranged wife’s life. Estranged, said Robin. Estranged was good enough for Regina.
“When did the wannabe Stevie Nicks with the baby instead of the tambourine show up?” Regina asked Robin.
“Don’t know. I’d ask Will but he’s….”
“Breaking into something and Sheriffs Swan and Charming are sitting around in the diner, oblivious.”
“Yeah, well, he can’t be breaking into anything important,” Robin said. “Your vault, the library and Gold’s shop are all sealed with protection spells.”
Regina’s lips curved into a smile. They left Will just enough rope to play games without getting caught but not enough rope to get away with it if he went too far.
“But one of my men…well, one of my group…has been in the forest for what seems like an age and I finally convinced her to put off her armor and dress like a regular Storybrooke resident and come introduce herself.”
Herself. Regina turned around on her stool, and Henry followed her movement. The woman stood by the door, her head down, her eyes scanning the diner from behind ribbons of dark hair. She wore a leather jacket and boots, and jeans.
“That’s Mulan!” Henry said, in his outside voice, and started digging in his grungy bookbag. He pulled out the infernal storybook and opened it. “Look, Aurora was engaged to Prince Phillip but he got marked by a wraith and Aurora had no one to protect her but Mulan, and then Robin asked Mulan to join the Merry Men and she said…oh.”
“Oh?” Swan said. Suddenly she was just there, looking over Henry’s shoulder.
“Now you have super hearing, too?” Regina asked.
“I was just about to go ask Mulan when she got into town,” Swan said.
“She came with me. She’s one of my men. I mean, she’s one of us.” Robin started to stammer, then turned red.
“Where’s she been all this time? Out in the woods at your camp?” Swan asked.
“I lived in the woods for a long time,” Margaret Mary piped up, taking her eyes off the baby for a second.
“Yes, at the camp,” Robin said. “Mulan, come here and meet Regina. It’s okay. She’s changed.”
Regina winced. She could tell that he was tired of having to say that to each new Storybrooke resident.
The wispy twit could speak. Regina sat up straight. This might be interesting.
“Aurora,” Mulan said. She raised her head and the black night of her hair fell away from her face, as if she was watching the sun rise. She crossed the floor and took the other woman in her arms.
“I’ll be damned,” Regina muttered.
“Mom,” Henry said.
“Where’s Phillip?” Mulan asked.
Aurora shook her head. “I’m sorry, Mulan. I know that you loved him.”
Mulan released Aurora and held out her arms. Aurora smiled and handed the baby over to Mulan, and Regina groaned.
“Mom,” Henry said.
“I was trying to tell you that day in the castle garden,” Mulan said. “You didn’t give me a chance to finish, and then you told me your news. I loved Phillip like a brother.”
Regina crossed her legs and sat back with a finger over her lips.
“I loved Phillip because it was foretold that he would awaken me and that I should fall in love with him,” Aurora said.
“There are different kinds of awakenings,” Hook said. Regina started and glared at him over her shoulder. He was ever just at Swan’s back.
“I guess you’re right,” Swan said, because Mulan and Aurora were kissing over the baby.
“It figures,” Grumpy said, and stomped out of the diner.
“Oh, David, how sweet,” Snow Charming said. “I wonder if Mulan will be at Mommy and Me tomorrow.”
David just looked astounded. “I think that’s Mommy and Mommy and Me,” Dr. Whale said.
“This is all fascinating,” Regina said. “I suppose I don’t have to explain it to you, Henry.”
“It’s in the book,” Henry replied.
“For once, that damned book did me a favor. I haven’t even had my breakfast yet.” Regina opened her menu. She paused. She looked at Henry, and pointed to an item under the Drinks section.
“Yeah.” Henry grinned and nodded.
“Two cocoas for the new couple in town,” Regina said, and then she and Robin and Henry ordered the Hungry Dwarf Breakfast, because Regina had decided to go home and change into rough clothes and boots, call the school and tell them Henry would be absent, and then go for a hike with her boys.