I had a bad day yesterday. A really bad day. A day that made me say some things I had to get out, but which I’ll have to apologize for later.
It was a day that made me look around at my life and my living space and realize that something more is amiss than the glaring problems. I was trying to be something that wasn’t right for me, partially because it made it easier to fit in with people.
My living space looks like Mr. Gold’s pawn shop, though not so dreary. It’s not just full of things; it’s full of ideas. It’s like taking a walk around my brain.
Some of those ideas were causing me more stress than peace, so I did some mental spring cleaning as well as some physical spring cleaning.
(I’m not taking a picture of my room. It’s still a mess, but an altered mess.)
The last year–the last year and a half–have been misery. I spent a long time begging very earnestly for help, and it didn’t come. I wanted to be my old self again, but I felt constrained. Afraid. Afraid of doing the wrong thing and afraid of disappointing other people.
I just have to take the chance that others will accept the change.