It’s a mistake to indulge your OCD by humoring your obsessive thoughts. You can spend all night trying to prove something to yourself and you won’t do it. I think you have to have someone’s help to prove something to yourself, preferably a mental healthcare professional trained in dealing with OCD. Even if you manage to convince yourself of one thing, your OCD brain will seize on something else and whisper “it wasn’t that way before. Something’s wrong.”
Maybe you’re like me and the OCD part of your brain wakes up when you’re alone and your thoughts start going in different directions, or when you’re just about to start doing something you want or need to do. It’s like you’re not allowed to be happy or even relaxed. You have to waste all your time on something that serves no purpose. You HAVE to, because your OCD brain says this needs attention, and then this, and this. Likely none of those things need attention.
Maybe obsessive thoughts are a form of self-punishment for some imaginary wrong. Maybe they’re like histamines in your brain, something produced when you’re overloaded with stress.
Obsessive thoughts keep you from doing the very things you need to do to fix those situations that keep you producing obsessive thoughts.
If you’ve found a way to manage your obsessive thoughts, let me know.