1 December

Standard

I remember

A child’s joy in shining tinsel

And glitter on cheap ornaments

The tree skirt to conceal the plastic tree stand.

This is a crappy time of year for me. I left my ex-husband on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, 2010. I was unable to move my furniture out of the house because my furniture was too heavy because it was high-quality and most of it handmade. I was unable to get to the attic to get my Christmas decorations, including the plastic angel that was on the nightstand beside my grandmother’s bed at the nursing home. I’m going to get those things back. It will be a hideous jurisdictional ordeal, but I will do it.

But I will always hate this day because I landed back in NC on December 1, 2010, and that should be a happy thing, but it is not. Because he raped me, physically and financially, and his sorry ass stole from me just because he was stronger. Not bigger, just stronger, with friends to back him up.

My furniture and Christmas decorations are in his house, they mean nothing to him but everything to me. The cedar chest my mother gave me, the plastic angel that was on my grandmother’s nightstand when she died.

I will revisit this hell he and his whore opened on me every holiday season until I die/they do the right thing and ship my things to me. They are wealthy. They believe they own my things because he chased me out of the house before I could try to move the furniture.

They are terribly, terribly wrong, and this holiday misery will never cease until they do the right thing because I hold grudges and I don’t forgive those who don’t ask for it.

It helps that I have embraced my pagan soul with joy, that Christmas to me is a holiday I take part in to make my mother happy. I celebrate Yule. Still, Christmas presents are fun, and the last of ours came very early this morning. Now we have The Hiding of the Presents. It gives us something to look forward to. I’ve given my mom one of her gifts early, because it was a practical item that she needed. The rest of the gifts came this morning, between nine and 9:30! I slit open the boxes, closed my eyes, and found my mother’s other Christmas present. I hid it in my room, taped up the boxes, and gave them to her to hide.

We take our pleasures where we can.

I’ve already made space for my Christmas and birthday presents. I feel like a kid. My mom is somewhat bewildered because I told her that her second gift is not a practical item. She can’t imagine anything else. It’s a book, a book I know she wants to read, but will she really sit and read it?

We will see.

 

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